The Apprentice Final

2011-07-20T18:45:00.002+01:00

So after however many weeks of incompetence we got down to the final 4. In a change to this years format the interviews are now in the final show.

The reason for this could be to add dramatic tension to what is the climax of the show. However more likely is that Sir Alan could have ended up having to invest in a business idea that could make even the worst Dragons' Den contestant look like a future Bill Gates. At least before the winner could only do limited damage by being given a junior role fixing the coffee machines.

Having survived multiple firings, you might expect the candidates to have reasonably good ideas as to a business to start. Alas no, Sir Alan has to pick the least worst option. Jim decides to go for the non profit option. Just what someone who has to invest 250k wants to hear.

Susan comes up with the genius idea of expanding her saturday market stall business. By writing down her current business turnover and profits, then mulitplying every number by 100, she thinks she has come up with a viable business plan that will make Sugar millions.

Helen's idea is so poor that she is willing at the last minute to blurt out that actually she wanted to start a bakery all along.

So we are left with Tom. His idea is also awful, however given he already has another product in the shops Lord Sugar decides that they should just jump on the back of something that already works. I'm not sure if this is strictly in the rules if there are any. The cynic might speculate that this was the only idea Sir Alan was ever going to invest in right from the start, which explains why Tom was never fired despite losing almost every week.

I couldn't possibly comment...

Anna Richardson

2011-07-19T21:07:00.001+01:00

I was delighted to turn on the TV tonight and discover that The Sex Education Show is back on channel 4. What a show. Before watching this I never knew that women had periods, sperm made girls pregnant, and that all men are bastards.

Presenting this is Anna Richardson. She will ask the most probing of questions, often picking on the thickest looking kid so that people will laugh at the 12 year old boy that doesn't know the best way of stimulating a clitoris.

Kids will also be given questions to ask Anna so that she can look like an expert. "Can I get pregnant by walking my dog?" and other toughies.

Of course the show wouldn't be complete without the tabloid-style campaign. Last series it was the sexualisation of children. Anna Richardson would storm into any shop that sold kids clothes that were too small, and therefore deemed inappropriate. Chanting "Stop pimping our kids" at confused shop assistants, the irony that this was a thinly veiled publicity stunt for the show and therefore Anna was also guilty of "pimping the kids" was lost on everyone concerned. This time around it is porn. Anna interviews the kids, who boast about having watched basketballs used as dildos.

She then brings in parents and proceeds to show them the filthiest porn clips she can find. When I say parents, 4 of the 5 are Mums, whilst there is one Dad who is desperately trying to hide his trouser tent whilst at the same time looking disapproving.

One mother says "It's not like a loving relationship", whilst watching two people shitting on each other.

There is more rubbish about Anna Ricahrdsons complete surprise that disabled people can have sex. And stop the press, next week we will discover that blind people can have sex. Yes, blind people! Who would have thought it. After all, no one has ever attempted sex in the dark.

Overall this is just another show in a long list that lets us laugh at stupid people. It is also a good excuse to show full frontal nudity for our entertainment. Well, Channel 4 would call it "education", but anyone who gleans any education from this show probably doesnt have the mental function to operate a TV remote.

TV Reviews - A right to moan

The Apprentice Final

Anna Richardson